Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
