We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
