I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
