I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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