I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
