That's when you crack a 10am beer
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
