i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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