If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
