Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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