isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize