just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
