I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
