2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
