I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
