If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
