Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
