Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
