The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
