This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize