everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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