I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
