My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
