So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
