i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize