I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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