i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
