Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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