I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
