I think I died a long time ago.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
