I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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