anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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