i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
