I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
