you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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