As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
