drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i've created a new STD.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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