At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
