if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
