What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize