Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
