Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize