You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
