I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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