You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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