HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize