i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
