I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you bring me the toilet please
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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