Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
