so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
