So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
