Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
