she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He has the fingertips of a God
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