did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
