he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
