the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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