I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
