I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
