The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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