dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
