I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
