hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
