Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
