if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
