i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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