Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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