saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
