I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
