youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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