it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
