is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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