It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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