I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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