how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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