ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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