I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
