I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
