the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
