Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
