I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
