i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
