Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
