I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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