i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
