so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize