So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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