When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
