Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize