My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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