too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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