what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize