I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
