I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
