So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
