last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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