WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Randomize
