and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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