my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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