the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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