Already got asked if we're dating
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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