Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize