Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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